I just read . . . .
Posted By Sika on March 18, 2009
This post at Shakesville honestly made me cry. It made me think about adoption in a way I never have before. It’s political, but not in any kind of a shrill way. Mostly it’s just heart-felt and heart-rending. You don’t need to have strong opinions about the matter: just read it. Maybe, like me, you’ll have your horizons expanded.
Believe me when I say that of the two choices, it was adoption that nearly destroyed me – and it never ends. The only comparison I have is the death of a loved one. The pain retreats, maybe fades, but it comes right back if I poke at it. Writing this has taken me nearly two weeks. Normally, I can write this amount in about thirty minutes, with bathroom breaks. I started to type, and stopped only to reread, then go wail into my pillow. There is no such thing as “over” with this.
Birth mothers are a demographic seldom heard from, and then generally only in the context of how soon they want to “replace” their lost child. This is a huge WTF to me. I went into a self-destructive tailspin for over a decade, and never once thought that maybe a new doll would do the trick. Yet every support group, every online forum, every possible resource I found, all zeroed in on this one-size-fits-all panacea. I didn’t want a new baby. I never wanted any babies in the first place. I also didn’t want an abortion, and I don’t see how any of my reasons for any of this are anyone’s business, either. It was my choice to make, and that is that.
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